Heretic Elect

we’d hang the heretic 

if we could 

but we can’t afford 

the rope, we tried

using a clothesline 

but the pissy thing broke,

I placed my hands 

around his throat 

to initiate a choke

but I couldn’t get a grip,

I have arthritis burning 

my hands and hip, 

so I picked up a stick,

and swung for his skull

it snapped mid swing

so I attempted 

to drown him with

a broken shower

but that would’ve 

taken hours,  

I tried poisoning him

but I only had flour,

selling him to some 

cannibals for them 

to devour,

I decided I’d dig a hole 

and bury him alive

but I couldn’t find a spade,

I don’t possess many tools 

of the ‘murder’ trade 

so I hired a sick and depraved

madman to abuse and beat him

within an inch of his life,

on the journey over

he jack-knifed

never to breathe again

so, I decided to start 

a political campaign

to get the heretic elected,

he was way more popular 

than anyone predicted,

now he runs the country,

who would’ve thought it? 

and thanks to his tricks 

democracy’s gone to shit,

he’s a major advocate 

for open the border

he plays the fool

whilst cementing 

the new world order