Trigger

there’s something 
useless inside,
I can’t deny 
I’ve tried
hard to fight it
to find a reason 
to seek exile,
I’m afraid
if I confess 
I’ll be met
with denial,
triggering
a downward spiral,
to distances
only traveled 
in nautical miles,
bound to
a paralysis 
felt only in 
the silent hours,
when others
gently pilot
their dreams,
guiding them
beautifully 
by the
kite strings,
resting
releasing,
giving
birth to
a new 
articulated 
version 
of clarity,
then
opening 
their eyes
to the
new day

my eyes 
haven’t closed
for weeks,
I long for
the shelter 
of sleep,
to dream
indefinitely,
never to wake,
I don’t care
what I have
to take,
please
just let 
me rest, 
there’s
a poison
I need
to syphon 
out my head,
there’s 
a corruption
in my
stomach,
my hearts 
pumping lead,
there’s a 
mystery 
running through
every vein
and artery,
I don’t know
what’s wrong
with me