Wild Swimming

here I am as it gathers 
holding nuance, 
splitting supple motion,
I shall swim this river wide
as I collide 
with the break
I’ll gulp my last choke,
I could inhale deliberately 
no one would ever know,
chaining myself seamlessly, 
meandering light currents,
a dull sense of reflex, 
no patience to ponder,
a distinct desire to drown, 
to breathe in water
I have no inkling 
to relate to the life
inhabiting the banks
no thanks!
I’ll drift away from view, 
buoyant for only seconds
with nothing 
to hold on to,
this fear is nothing new,
finally letting go of you